why am i like this – Can You Bring Me The Gun of Rambo?

Haha I like to think about Kaz compulsively getting tested for STDs like every month because he’s paranoid af about it, and one day medic sends for him with URGENT NEWS, “I need to see you IMMEDIATELY” so Kaz is freaking the fuck out and rushing over to medical and is a total nervous wreck, and medic turns to him and is like

“Kaz…your blood tests came back and I’m very concerned….you have……VERY HIGH CHOLESTEROL”

And Kaz just about passes out, he’s like JESUS CHRIST YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME I THOUGHT IT WAS SERIOUS

And medic’s just like “……………….this is fucking serious, you’re a hamburger away from a fucking stroke, bro. Here is your new diet and exercise regimen, stick to it RELIGIOUSLY”

Cut to them at breakfast in the mess hall, medic and Kaz and BB are chilling around the taco buffet and Kaz is scooping extra bacon onto his breakfast tacos and medic just gives him this heart-stopping scowl, takes Kaz’s tray out of his hands and scoops all the bacon off and hands it back to him

Kaz glares at him. “I THINK YOU’RE THE FUCKING ANTICHRIST.”

And BB’s just laughing, eating his bacon like an animal and making horrendous moaning sounds while he’s doing it and Kaz pouts at them both

Tag: why am i like this

Would it be really cheeky to ask for a link to this fic that was absolutely not written by you and coincidentally features someone very similar to your medic? XD I can’t find it anywhere