this is probably incoherent because i’ve been up for 24 hours

g-ambit:

Now this is exactly the kind of thing I wanted. Good.

It just kills me to imagine how frustrating it must be, going from being the sexually hyperactive type of person who has tried everything at least once he used to be to barely being able to move around by himself in TPP.
His only real chance of fully enjoying topping again would probably be with Venom, where they would trust one another enough for this kind of things, and wouldn’t need to have a long talk about it because they understand eachother that much. Venom doesn’t talk much and Kaz doesn’t feel like he has to impress him when they fuck.

But when it comes to one night stand and quick fucks with others, I imagine him to be very closed on himself when that happens, probably making it so it’s done as fast as possible and with very little talk, he’s not here for feelings, he just need to fuck someone hard. But with only one remaining hand he knows his amazing lover reputation took a big hit. He can’t settle on where and how to touch the other, now he has to make a choice every time, does he want to hold them down? pull their hair or jerk them off? Fingering someone and not being able to anything else while doing it would take him so long to get used to. Same for which position to use. He used to love it when people would ride him but now the position just makes him feel weak. At least he still has both his knees…

I love to imagine he can’t even properly get himself off anymore, he can’t stroke and finger himself at the same time, can’t cover his mouth when he starts to make those noises, he’d probably only masturbate when it seems like the only way to deal with too much frustration.

Kaz becoming more and more aggressive and sexually frustrated and depending on Venom for finding real relief.

oh man oh man yeah and like I can totally see Kaz getting really frustrated with masturbation too because he has to relearn how to do it without his dominant hand and just. HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER TRIED TO JERK OFF WITH THEIR NON-DOMINANT HAND JUST FOR THE SAKE OF EXPERIMENTATION? THAT SHIT’S SO DIFFICULT. I imagine him trying to jerk off for the first time after being rescued and trying really hard to find the same rhythm/angle he’d used before but not quite getting it, then ultimately getting frustrated with it and giving up.

Also I imagine him possibly having impotence issues for a while too because that’s a typical side effect of trauma and I see him having a huge emotional breakdown over it because he’s a man who’s essentially placed a great amount of his self-worth in his virility so now he doesn’t even feel human anymore. Only when V is able to coax him out of it and get him reacquainted with physical contact again does he start to come back to life a little.

I also have this little headcanon where he initially does try out a bionic arm because he wants to be active and affectionate like he used to be, and he wants to be able to touch Venom/any other potential partners the way he used to, but he ends up being really disappointed with it because there’s no actual sensation in bionic fingers so he can’t really touch them and it completely defeats the purpose. Also jerking off with cold metal is just really unpleasant to him and he can’t imagine anyone wanting to be touched by cold hard mechanics and he has this minor existential crisis so he flips his shit and like yanks the prosthetic off after the first try and flings it across the room because he’s so disappointed and frustrated at it being such a poor substitute for flesh and blood.

But then this is also why he finds so much comfort in Venom because V knows exactly what he’s going through since he’s already gone through it himself and can help Kaz cope and coach him through the entire process.

Jesus I may write a fic about this.