I’ve been half-ass playing the remastered Skyrim, since it’s been like four years since I played any TES game and figured why not
I already wanna write fanfic, if not solely for the Bethesda-typical glitches that tend to happen and make it interesting. Creepy glitches always lead to the absolute best fic ideas.
So my character is a male orc. His name is Tuukka. I figured I’d get him a nice husband – that Dunmer merchant from Windhelm.
And. It turns out this guy’s really salty. He makes snarky comments when I ask him if the store has made any money or if he could cook me something. He has a problem with every place we live. Every. Place. Either “he’s seen bigger houses” or “all the dragon and giant and bandit attacks aren’t good for raising children” or, jesus christ, I move us to Markarth, the most fortified city in the entire province because it’s built into the side of a goddamn stone mountain, and he doesn’t like it because the Forsworn and the filthy savages who work the mines make it no place to raise children. Like LOL BRUH YOU’RE FROM THE FRIGGIN GRAY QUARTER IN WINDHELM BUT ok then
My favourite part though. Is that his dialogue is glitched, so every time I tell him I’d like us to move somewhere else, he says, “The sky is so dark….what does it mean??”
LIKE THAT’S NOT CREEPY AT ALL
So I’ve concluded that, with elves generally having longer lifespans, this guy’s very likely old enough to have been alive the last time Red Mountain erupted. It would make sense, what with him being in Windhelm, where most of the refugees ended up after migrating from Morrowind since it’s the first stop on the road.
I imagine that telling him we need to relocate just triggers flashbacks to when he was a young elf living in Vvardenfell and he watched his home become a volcanic wasteland, and he’s so afflicted by trauma that he forgets where he is and how to interact with people, and he’s really aggressive sometimes because it’s a defense mechanism he’s developed over the years to cope. And, you know, ‘cause the Nords in Windhelm treat him like shit. =/
This also has so much potential to be fucked up considering I sided with the Stormcloak rebellion, and that’s a serious conflict of interest what with how little Ulfric cares about the dark elves and how he neglects the Gray Quarter.
I can totally see husband growing insecure and hostile about this, and getting jealous when I go off dungeon diving with some merc I bought in a seedy inn, while leaving him behind in the giant house I built us in the countryside. I hired a bard to liven up the house while I’m gone, lonely Dunmer husband probably fucks the bard out of spite and anger.
Meanwhile my orc is the most understanding, loving, forgiving husband you ever and does everything he can to help his husband through bad nights.
Mark my words. I’m going to write this fic. ……………………….Eventually. Absolutely no one ever asked for a gay orc/elf fluff/smut/angst domestic fic but goddamn it I will write this just to be the first to fucking do it. NO RAGRETS
Can You Bring Me The Gun of Rambo? 