Tag: SHITPOASTIN

ok but the real reason that scene where Rose bites Hux’s finger was cut out of TLJ is because that enticing little glimpse of Domhnall’s wrist was considered too racy for a general audience and Disney didn’t feel like fighting with the MPAA to keep from bumping it up to an R rating

Sometimes I get curious and read the tags on Hux photosets and I’m always so amused at how thirsty we all are for scary shouty murder ginger and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about Hux scrolling through tumblr tags of himself and either blushing furiously from the unexpected flattery or being supremely annoyed because he was going for terrifying, god damn it, and you fuicking hooligans can’t keep your minds out of the gutter D:<

Every time I see Domhnall’s ass I’m like “goddamn who wouldn’t wanna eat their lunch off of that” AND THEN I GOT AN IDEA

I wanna read a fic where Hux is the naked sushi model in one of those nantaimori restaurants and Kylo is a regular who doesn’t even really like sushi, just comes in frequently so he can eat his lunch off of his favorite ginger model

SO THIS ROADRAT VIKING AU

I’ve been…entertaining ideas, and I’m just super in love with the concept of mercenary Junkrat being thrown into an arranged union-contract-type thing with warrior clan leader Roadhog to secure a piece of land or something

And good lord it wouldn’t be historically accurate at all and admittedly I don’t know nearly enough about Vikings as I should but can you imagine

They’re pretty much complete strangers, and Jamie’s largely clanless because he’s a lone mercenary and maybe most of his people were wiped out by invading armies but he’s got some agency through birthright over this crucial piece of land that would be strategic in politics/battle, and so Mako’s clan negotiates to get hold of it and Jamie grudgingly complies because it’s pretty much the only way to secure his survival

And he’s super suspicious of Mako, who is this ruthless warrior with his peculiar hooked weapon and merciless reputation in battle, and so Jamie is really shocked when Mako is unbelievably kind and patient with him and gives him his space on their first night together. And Mako can tell that Jamie is really unsure about this arrangement and that he’s uncomfortable, so Mako offers him enough furs and weapons and money to go as far away as he desires if he wanted to just disappear to somewhere safe where he wouldn’t be hunted down, no questions asked, nothing expected in return other than not selling the clan out to the enemy

But Jamie stays and decides to give it a try, and like MAYBE AFTER A FEW WEEKS HE HAS A SUDDEN PANIC FREAK OUT AND JUST RUNS AWAY ANYWAY??

And Mako is heartbroken because it seemed like it was going to work out, he was really starting to get attached to that scrappy little merc, but he just wants to ensure that Jamie is safe and that he left on his own accord and wasn’t kidnapped or threatened by anyone, so he sends one of his best hunters out to track him. 

At first Jamie thinks he’s going to get killed, and he’s ready to put up one hell of a fight when the hunter finds him, like he thinks Mako sent the guy after him to kill him and bring his head back, but instead the hunter gives him a horse and some weapons that Mako forged himself, some food, and enough money to get him to the next port, and then just leaves him after it’s established that Jamie’s okay

So a week later, Jamie just shows back up with whatever he was able to hunt down with the weapons Mako gave him and thEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER or something idk

It’s been over a year since I’ve mentioned this, but considering how the VC fandom is picking up over here I keep thinking about the TVC/MGS crossover I was considering a while back and I KNOW IT MAKES NO SENSE OK and it sounds silly as fuck but imagine

Instead of getting woken up by some rock band in the 80s, Lestat gets woken up by Kazuhira Miller playing Love Deterrence in 1974

haha god I’m laughing so hard as I’m typing this but consider 

like for some reason Kaz is in New Orleans and he just. Wakes Lestat up and it’s hilarious, Kaz is the first human Lestat sees after coming up out of the ground and this twunk-ass motherfucker is the most beautiful thing Lestat has ever seen

He falls for Kaz, stalks him back to MB

Scares the living piss out of BB, oh my god it’s so hilarious, BB actually wets his pants

And of course the medic is there, how could I leave him out

And he is absolutely 100% done with Lestat’s shit the moment he starts slinking around the base. Ronan does not trust him one bit, absolutely hates the guy, does not hesitate to tell him every time he sees him that he would love nothing more than to vivisect him on a slab and find out what makes him work out of nothing more than medical curiosity (he’s just being a savage because he’s super protective of Kaz)

Lestat’s pissed because the medic is not the least bit afraid of him. But then Marius rolls in and he and Ronan hit it off immediately (I mean, Ro’s about the same age Marius was when he was turned, is a contemporary renaissance man, he’s cultured and sophisticated and his mother was an opera singer and he plays the piano too?? good god, this is the bromance to end all bromances, Marius loves him)

Lestat gets jealous, resorts to terrorizing BB for funsies, and also to annoy the medic

idk I’m only halfway serious with this, I kinda want to do it but I don’t know if I want it to be all crack or super grimdark and edgy with some dark humor thrown in

but I’m laughing so hard right now  BB WOULD FREAK THE FUCK OUT LOL

I’ve been half-ass playing the remastered Skyrim, since it’s been like four years since I played any TES game and figured why not

I already wanna write fanfic, if not solely for the Bethesda-typical glitches that tend to happen and make it interesting. Creepy glitches always lead to the absolute best fic ideas.

So my character is a male orc. His name is Tuukka. I figured I’d get him a nice husband – that Dunmer merchant from Windhelm. 

And. It turns out this guy’s really salty. He makes snarky comments when I ask him if the store has made any money or if he could cook me something. He has a problem with every place we live. Every. Place. Either “he’s seen bigger houses” or “all the dragon and giant and bandit attacks aren’t good for raising children” or, jesus christ, I move us to Markarth, the most fortified city in the entire province because it’s built into the side of a goddamn stone mountain, and he doesn’t like it because the Forsworn and the filthy savages who work the mines make it no place to raise children. Like LOL BRUH YOU’RE FROM THE FRIGGIN GRAY QUARTER IN WINDHELM BUT ok then

My favourite part though. Is that his dialogue is glitched, so every time I tell him I’d like us to move somewhere else, he says, “The sky is so dark….what does it mean??” 

LIKE THAT’S NOT CREEPY AT ALL

So I’ve concluded that, with elves generally having longer lifespans, this guy’s very likely old enough to have been alive the last time Red Mountain erupted. It would make sense, what with him being in Windhelm, where most of the refugees ended up after migrating from Morrowind since it’s the first stop on the road. 

I imagine that telling him we need to relocate just triggers flashbacks to when he was a young elf living in Vvardenfell and he watched his home become a volcanic wasteland, and he’s so afflicted by trauma that he forgets where he is and how to interact with people, and he’s really aggressive sometimes because it’s a defense mechanism he’s developed over the years to cope. And, you know, ‘cause the Nords in Windhelm treat him like shit. =/ 

This also has so much potential to be fucked up considering I sided with the Stormcloak rebellion, and that’s a serious conflict of interest what with how little Ulfric cares about the dark elves and how he neglects the Gray Quarter. 

I can totally see husband growing insecure and hostile about this, and getting jealous when I go off dungeon diving with some merc I bought in a seedy inn, while leaving him behind in the giant house I built us in the countryside. I hired a bard to liven up the house while I’m gone, lonely Dunmer husband probably fucks the bard out of spite and anger.

Meanwhile my orc is the most understanding, loving, forgiving husband you ever and does everything he can to help his husband through bad nights.

Mark my words. I’m going to write this fic. ……………………….Eventually. Absolutely no one ever asked for a gay orc/elf fluff/smut/angst domestic fic but goddamn it I will write this just to be the first to fucking do it. NO RAGRETS

ok so imagine, for a moment:

Junkrat in short track shorts, the outline of his bulge just visible

Junkrat palming himself through his briefs and whispering Roadhog’s name
after he thinks he’s gone to sleep; Roadhog is still totally awake and
listening to every moan

Junkrat being extremely ticklish, and Roadhog exploiting the crap out of that to make him helpless and tire him out

Roadhog gently bathing Jamie after a considerably nasty fight getting him into the tub in the first place; Jamie ends up enjoying every second of it and is a quivering, droopy mess when Roadhog starts to direct the sponge *down there*

Roadhog dabbing at Junkrat’s nosebleeds and cleaning up his face when he gets all vomity from the radiation and massaging his tummy to help him with the nausea

Sleepy Junkrat having to be carried to bed, mumbling goofy nonsense into Roadhog’s ear the whole way

Junkrat having BACK DIMPLES; they’re Roadhog’s absolute favorite thing about Rat’s body and he loves kissing them and dipping his tongue into them, but it’s also one of Junkrat’s really sensitive tickle spots, so he giggles and squirms madly anytime Roadhog goes near his lower back